Your Marriage Report Card
One of the reasons Brett and I had such a passion to get involved in marriage ministry was because of the overwhelming number of people we personally knew who were getting divorced. For years we've been aware of the unbelievably high divorce rate among Americans, but it wasn't until recent years that we began to take interest in how a marriage begins to break down. After much thought and research, we've determined that every marriage rests in one of three categories ... we call them "The 3 C's".
The Connecting Marriage ~ This is the marriage in which both partners are completely committed to and working on the relationship. Far from being a relationship free of conflict or problems (those relationships, by the way, are non-existent) these partners are always looking for ways to connect, re-connect, and grow. This couple is not content to have life pass them by as they grow apart. They are pro-active about their marriage and use every experience in life to turn toward one another.
The Coasting Marriage ~ Unfortunately, this is probably where most American marriages sit at any given time. This is the marriage that is so busy raising kids and pursuing careers that the relationship takes a back seat to everything else in life. There aren't necessarily any glaring crisis situations yet, but this couple is simply living parallel lives. Two ships that pass in the night. They've forgotten that marriage takes work ... lots of work. And so they are missing out on the rich closeness that the connecting marriage shares.
The Crisis Marriage ~ This is a marriage where communication has either died or become highly toxic, and the relationship is in danger of ending. There are basically two ways in which a relationship can reach the crisis stage. First, a couple can find themselves here as a result of a traumatic event, such as an affair ... or a death in the family, or the pressure of a prodigal child and so forth. Second, a couple can silently slip into this state from the coasting category, without even realizing it. Therein lies the danger of merely existing in a coasting marriage.
If you are reading this, and you're identifying with a coasting or crisis marriage, be encouraged. No marriage has to stay put in either of these categories. We've personally known many relationships who've moved from crisis to connecting, with the help of good counseling and prayer. We've also known countless coasting couples who get a wake-up call and begin to work on their relationships, and move successfully into a connecting marriage. That's what we all want. However, it takes great effort ... a theme you'll see throughout this site. So go out there and get the right "C" on your marriage report card!
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