So Why Did I Fall in Love, Anyway?

A good exercise to do after you have been married for a long while is to step back for a moment and ask yourself this question: What qualities in my spouse did I find so attractive and irresistible when we were dating? Sometimes even happily married couples have a hard time responding to this question, but it's one worth asking--and answering.

Unrealistic expectations in our marriages sometimes cause us to forget important aspects of our romantic history. Too often we get caught up in the subtle trap of making comparisons to other couples or spouses in regards to our own marriage. For instance, maybe the husband needs to grow more spiritually. In most cases, the man probably knows that. After all, who doesn't need to grow? Deep inside, he probably wants to take the next step in that direction. But he doesn't need to be belittled by being compared to the husband in the next marriage who is teaching the men's Bible study and currently memorizing the book of Habakkuk. Moreover, there was something about that diamond-in-the-rough husband that, when that couple was first dating, made that woman want to spend the rest of her life with him. What was it exactly?

In a different scenario, maybe a wife in a marriage does not look like some of today's anorexic supermodels--a very unhealthy model to try to live up to in the first place. An insensitive husband could obsess on that kind of standard while trying to satisfy his own fragile ego. But a better investment of time by that husband would be to take a few moments to remember once again why this lovely wife was so appealing to him to begin with. What was it about her personality that made him want to be with her night and day? What qualities were inside of her that told that young man years ago that this was the one?

For many, the dating period of falling in love is the time in their lives when they are most forgiving toward others....towards each other. During that dreamy period, we tend to give a lot of grace to the person who is the object of our affection. After all, we are in strong pursuit while dating and will sacrifice and overlook just about any shortcoming or hardship--just to be able to spend time with that person. When you're madly in love, you simply want to be together and appreciate each other.

That kind of attitude can be rekindled. So.....why did you fall in love with your spouse? Marriages that can remember all the reasons why have a better chance of becoming exciting again.