The Kardashian Kollapse

(Kellie) Just when you thought marriage was forever … celebutante Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from her second husband, NBA star Kris Humphries. The two wed in an over-the-top lavish ceremony in … wait for it … late August.
That’s August.
Of 2011.
Roughly ten weeks ago.
Now, my point in writing this blog is not to take cheap shots at Ms. Kardashian. Anyone knows you don’t kick a girl while she’s down. But I couldn’t resist commenting on what most of the cyber world and blogosphere were buzzing about all day today.

There have been reports that include everything from adultery to “spoiled princess disorder” to the wedding being a mere publicity stunt. Say what you will, but I tend not to be so cynical. I think what probably happened was this couple got themselves a real dose of reality. When you meet and marry in a whirlwind, it doesn’t matter how much money you have, how famous you are, or even how spectacular your wedding is. When the dust settles, real marriage still takes work -- ten weeks into a marriage … or 20 years into a marriage. Marriage isn’t for wimps. Eventually you have to be a grownup and, maybe more importantly, you must realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. You need to become selfless, and that process takes a lifetime. It may not sound sexy, but when you do this well, you get to be in a mature, loving marriage that stands the test of time.

The Hollywood culture continues to shove this ridiculous notion of cheap romance down our throats (although an $18 million dollar wedding ain’t cheap!). The irony is … many Hollywood marriages prove that Hollywood romance isn’t enough. In marriage, when the “chemical fog” lifts, and it will lift, what is a couple left with? If it’s friendship, respect, and commitment, a couple can go a long way. If it’s not, it can quickly become a disposable relationship.

Date Night Houston is coming!

Get ready for a fun event this summer! Kellie and I are quite excited to be involved in leadership of Date Night Houston. This is an excting three-year citywide strategy that is guaranteed to generate excitement in Houston in the area of marriage and healthy relationships. Be on the alert for all kinds of Date Night Houston happenings that will take place at several different churches over the next several months.

Our first Date Night Houston event is a special fun night with Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages. Since Home Encouragement began a few years ago, we have undoubtedly given away more copies of this book to more couples than any other resource. Besides being a national bestseller, The Five Love Languages gives dating, engaged and married couples very practical tools on how to effectively show love and affection to one another. It's a simple concept that works when it's used!

Gary Chapman is a very popular and funny speaker and he will undoubtedly make the first Date Night Houston event an exciting evening for couples. This event on Friday, July 22nd at Sugar Creek Baptist is also open to any dating, engaged or married couple. You won't want to miss it. Click here to register now. If you have further questions about the event or want to know more about Date Night Houston, email us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org. We hope to see you guys in July!

State of the Reunion Address

Once you’ve been married a number of years, you discover that every decade or so, there exists an obligatory marital expectation… the dreaded spouse’s high school reunion! My husband and I have been married for 23 years and I (Kellie) have dutifully logged three of these weekend-long occasions.

Whenever a year that ends in zero makes its way around the calendar, I know what’s coming … another stinkin’ reunion. Now, I’m not totally complaining. I'm all for people seeing old friends. But….for starters, when did reunions become weekend-long ordeals? What happened to just getting together for an evening and reminiscing a bit? And, good grief, whose brilliant idea was it to host the Friday night event at a club? As if it’s not difficult enough to hang with people you barely remember (plus their significant others) … let’s add some ear-splitting music and an endless flow of alcohol to impair the experience.

But I guess the thing I’ve noticed most is that with each passing decade, there seem to be fewer spouses in attendance at these things. In fact, I overheard several of my husband’s classmates say their mates simply didn’t want to come to these events anymore. If I were being completely blunt, I would say, “More sympathy I cannot have”. I, myself, don’t fully relish the idea of hanging out with people I don’t know for several days on end talking about places and events I can't relate to. And if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, “Man, if you only knew how wild your husband was in high school!” … well, I’d have several nickels!

But, on the other hand, there is something I’ve come to embrace while enduring these shindigs. By attending a reunion weekend, I get to peek into an entire season of my husband’s former life. Let’s face it … most of us did not marry our high school sweetheart, and we probably didn’t even know our spouse when we were young. So, of course we don’t share the same memories or experiences from our teen years. To be able to meet the nice people my husband knew back then, hung out with, got in trouble with, even dated … is really kind of a neat experience. It fills in the gaps and tells some stories of a time before I knew him. In essence, it lifts the veil and allows me to see who and what was shaping him to become the man I eventually fell in love with and married. That glimpse is not a bad trade off for an otherwise tedious experience.

A high school reunion can be emotionally difficult for some people for a number of reasons. But for the spouses … it can just be downright wretched. However, if you go into a reunion weekend with the idea that you may learn something interesting about your mate, it can actually be a superb marriage-building memory...and even fun! If you’re one who cringes at the idea of attending your spouse’s reunion, reconsider. You may have to endure endless stories about people you don’t know and places you don’t care about. Nevertheless, it’s a good way to let your mate know that you’re truly interested in their life. And that’s a pretty cool gift.

Marriage Intensives

In very recent years, the intensive format of doing marital therapy has increased dramatically. A marriage intensive is not a seminar or a retreat, nor is it just a one-hour therapy session. Although they vary in length and focus, generally all marriage intensive programs are highly focused in-depth therapy experiences, that frequently produce significant results, compared to more traditional counseling sessions. Marriage intensives either use an individual format (one couple) or a group format (multiple couples). Intensives target married couples who are in crisis, unable to move forward, discouraged or hopeless.

Like counseling, marriage intensives provide a safe environment to air out hurts and frustrations. Intensives are typically in a more comfortable setting, usually in an environment away from the distractions of everyday life. They are not cheap, although when compared to the costs of long-time therapy, they can often be become a bargain of cost and time investment.

Home Encouragement is well-connected with many experts in this industry, including several based in Houston and Texas. Among them are our good friends at Christway Counseling (http://www.christwaycounseling.com/), The Clearing (http://www.clearingretreat.org/), and The Hideaway (http://www.intensives.com/). To find out more about what each of these retreat options can offer you as a married couple, check out these websites. In addition, we at Home Encouragement would also be willing to tell you more about these options and others that are available.

Not all marital issues will be necessarily solved in an intensive format. However, a marriage intensive can be a very important and invaluably focused time for a married couple to continue on their journey toward a loving and healthy relationship.

Summer Marriage Retreat

Come join us for a special summer marriage retreat, noon Saturday, June 26 to noon Sunday, June 27 at the West Houston Omni Hotel. This annual special retreat for married couples, presented by MDPC and led by Brett and Kellie Hurst of Home Encouragement, is designed to give helpful marriage education in a relaxed date atmosphere.

Couples will take an online inventory called the Couple Checkup before the event. This will help individual marriages zero in more accurately on their greatest strengths and growth opportunities. Meanwhile, the beautiful setting of the Omni will allow couples to comfortably re-discover one another in their most important human relationship--their marriage.

Enjoy casual, yet focused discussions with the Hursts Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. But Saturday night is set aside to enjoy one another on a special date night--either out on the town or on the grounds of the lovely Omni hotel. Many past participants have greatly appreciated this format which allows couples a romantic evening setting to enjoy one another and re-connect.

The cost is $149 per couple which includes two meals at the Omni and the Couple Checkup (a $30 value). Register here or contact Patty Leonard at 713-490-0931 for more information.

We hope to see you there!

Spring 2010 Dinner and a Marriage Dates Set

Hey, good news! Our new Dinner and a Marriage dates are set for the spring! Come join us at Hasta la Pasta Italian restaurant in Katy for some good food, romantic conversation and an atmosphere designed to help you re-connect with your most important human relationship--your spouse! Our upcoming dates are:

Monday, January 18 (7:00-8:30 pm)

Monday, February 15 (7:00-8:30 pm)

Monday, March 8 (7:00-8:30 pm)

Monday, April 12 (7:00-8:30 pm)

Monday, May 10 (7:00-8:30 pm)

For more information or to reserve a spot, email us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org

We hope to see you soon!

Special WEDNESDAY Dinner and a Marriage

Join us for a very rare WEDNESDAY Dinner and a Marriage, Wednesday night, November 11th, 7:00-8:30 pm at Hasta La Pasta Italian Restaurant. This will be our last Dinner and a Marriage for 2009 so we hope you can make it. New dates for Spring 2010 will be posted soon.

To reserve a spot, email us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org for a reservation. We'll see you there!