Kellie and I are so extremely fortunate--we have two wonderful kids. The oldest is a veteran teenager. The youngest is just months away from his teen years. Our lives have been thoroughly blessed and enriched by them. Kellie and I often comment to each other that every new stage of parenting ends up becoming our very favorite stage of life. Honestly, all the different levels of parenting for us have also had their share of challenges, but, nevertheless, they have each been deeply rewarding and satisfying. We wouldn't change a thing.
That doesn't mean that we don't have any melodrama in our house. Au contraire! Our kids, like us, live very active lives. They are both heavily involved in so many things: academics, school leadership, athletics, church youth group activites--and they are both musicians. That's a whole lot to juggle. The tyrrany of the urgent is always lurking right outside our door. In addition to all of that, both of our kids still like being with their parents (usually) and so they both demand a lot of our time and focus....as it should be.
However, we have two foundations in our family that keep things in a livable perspective for us. Deep in the eye of all this whirlwind of activity, there are two anchors. The first one is that the foundation of our family is, without question, our relationship with Christ. We could lose everything we have, but we would always have that unbreakable bond with the Lord. That is the truth for all four of us individually. There is no greater comfort in life. That reality gives us a lot of ballast in our family and keeps us sane.
The second foundation of our family is that we try to keep our family marriage-centric. In other words, the marriage of the parents of these kids is the most important relationship in the family. As the married relationship of Mom and Dad goes, the rest of the family goes. That means that even though our kids are everything to us, they come just behind the priority of our marriage. Over time, I think our children have come to see the importance of this prioritization.
There are so many reasons to put the marriage first in a family. First of all, Kellie and I are (presumably) the adults in this family setup. And if our lives are not anchored, if our marriage tank is not full, then the whole family starts drifting into the cosmos. In our family, our value of a loving marriage at the top of the chain keeps our family structure from spinning out of control. In general, kids are not likely to just naturally be organized and responsible. They have to learn that from watching someone. In our family, we can't possibly have structure in our group unless our marriage is on track. Note: We're not always successful in keeping things on track, but that is our day-to-day goal.
Another reason is to, hopefully, model a healthy relationship for our kids--who will each one day be in their own dating and marriage relationships. We have the opportunity to show our children (who will be adults before we know it) what a loving relationship can be like. We have the best chance of anybody to impact our daughter and son towards dating and marriage health. Note: We're not always successful in modeling what a loving relationship can be like, but that is our day-to-day goal!
Finally, the health of their parents' marriage keeps our kids secure. The combination of that fact and their own relationship with Christ both give our kids the confidence to take risks and to venture out into the world to do their thing. They are a lot less prone to fear because of the security they have in their parents' marriage. So, needless to say, Kellie and I have a lot of extra incentive to enjoy a loving marriage....as if there wasn't enough incentive in the first place!
Our marriage is far from perfect. But it is healthy. Our family is far from perfect. But it is healthy. God gets all the credit. We've probably inadvertently done everything we can along the way to throw a wrench in the big picture with various schemes, fits, diversions and distractions. But with the Lord and a overall philosophy of a strong marriage at the eye of the hurricane, even we can't mess this thing up!
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