There are so many things that can increase intimacy in a marriage. Long conversations. Focused listening. A healthy sex life. Come to think of it, if you really want to become intimate, share a water bottle with someone after a heavy workout--that's intimacy! But there's an important item that often gets left off the how-to-become-more-intimate list. Believe it or not, prayer could very well become one of the most intimate expressions that you ever share with your married partner...yes, sometimes even more than sexual expressions. Sex, in the context of marriage, can be the most beautiful and intimate shared experience. But, let's face it, every day there are people all over this world that engage in sex and somehow keep their distance in regards to emotional intimacy. Tough to do, but it happens. But it's even more difficult not to be emotionally intimate when you're engaged in prayer--if it's the real deal.
If you are truly engaged in heartfelt prayer with someone to whom you have committed your entire life, then it just stands to reason that your prayers will naturally grow into a very intimate expression together. But beyond that, because God is always in the room when you pray, He does something during that prayer that is amazing. God brings qualities to a prayer time that no one or nothing else can. If you recall, Jesus did mention to us that wherever two or more are gathered in prayer, God's right there--in the midst of that group praying together!
If you believe that, then believe this. When a couple prays together, things come out of your mouth and heart that you wouldn't ordinarily consider--simply because God is involved. I can't tell you how many times that I (Brett) will say things while praying for my wife that I didn't even know were inside of me. "Did I just say that? Wow, where did that come from?" It's pretty humbling. And, let's face it, most men need all the communication prompting they can get.
Now this prayer thing may seem a little intimidating to some folks at first. It can be particularly daunting to some men. Fortunately, there is no such thing as a "prayer police" when it comes to couples praying together. So you really can't get this one wrong. Good advice for learning how to pray together is to take baby steps. Pray in any way comfortable to you both. Start slow. Maybe just say a few words the first time you pray together. Invite God to be part of that discussion. God will prompt things in your three-way discussion that will bring you both closer to Him and to each other.
And here's the kicker: your prayer life with your spouse will slowly become the glue that holds your marriage together--with a bond that's pretty hard to break. I'm convinced that nothing creates intimate trust more than prayer. If you don't believe me, I dare you to try it. What do you have to lose? Not one thing. And what do you have to gain? Becoming soulmates with the one you pledged to spend your life with. Not a bad deal, Lucille.
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