The Ideal Date

We're often amazed at how typical it is for couples who have been married for more than five years to settle into a pattern of not dating each other anymore. Perhaps more than anything else, reversing this trend positively in your marriage has the greatest potential of putting sparkle and connection back into your most important relationship. But where do you start?

It may just seem to a lot of women that an ideal date to a husband would include the following three components: eating home-cooked food, watching football, and having sex....and not necessarily in that sequence. It also may seem to a lot of men that an ideal date to a wife would include activities centered around antiques, poetry or Josh Groban. Take it easy, both of you. There are dates you can plan together that explore other avenues and still be mutually enjoyable:

-Try having a formal dinner in the park. Scout ahead of time for just the right setting. Pick up nice food, dress up, bring candles, tablecloth and romantic music. One quick hint: Don't do this one in Houston during August.

-Relive your first date together--that is, if you can still remember it. Give it your best shot to recreate that scene as close as you can--strictly for fun. Breath mints not optional.

-Listen to live music. When was the last time you both went to see one of your favorite bands in concert together? If it happens to be a band from the 70's, it may even help your own self-esteem as you watch some of these guys out there still performing--you might realize how good you both still look and feel by comparison.

-Try going to a bookstore together. Most of them have Fourbucks Coffee, overstuffed chairs (if you can scam one), and gobs of books that you each want to peruse. You can show each other your favorite things and/or just enjoy reading in privacy for 45 minutes or so. Then go get a quick light dessert close by.

-Cuddle at home with a great DVD. If you're too tired or too out of dating practice to get started with something more ambitious, begin with this easy one. Bring home great take-out, ignore the phone, dress comfortably and get cozy together on the couch. Give each other permission ahead of time to fall asleep. This can be a simple but important start towards reconnecting. Then you can work your way up to one of the other dates above.

Or be creative and invent your own thing to do. I will tell you that most married couples do not date each other regularly. There are so many things that compete for our time. You definitely have to be intentional to get back in the mindset of dating one another--but the payoff of satisfaction can be so worth it. The bottom line is to get back in the habit. When was the last time the two of you had a planned date, even a simple one? If you can't remember, then that is too long. Get started and have some fun. You'll wonder why you put it off.