One of the great keys to marriage success is to overcome the "me first" mentality. This shouldn't be too hard for us to comprehend. It stands to reason that one cannot serve a spouse selflessly while nursing a mindset that is constantly asking the question "when am I going to get what I want?" But let's make this clear: we did not come into this life naturally wired with those kind of benevolent feelings for others--not even for the love of our life! Even for the nicest people we know, that kind of "others-centered" love is not in our DNA. It's just a plain fact that everyone struggles from time to time with selfishness. It's also a fact that we need supernatural transformational help in order to love intimately. So what to do?
One of the first steps in moving past the mindset that "life is not fair for me" is to accept the fact that suffering is not all bad. Let me explain. While no sane person would aggressively pursue suffering, nevertheless, enduring suffering is one of the most dramatic ways that we can learn to identify with the heart of Christ. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:10, "I want to know Christ, the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His suffering." Paul wasn't crazy. On the contrary, Paul understood that learning how to connect with, experience, and understand personal suffering was also how he was going to learn how to connect with God's heart.
Why is that important? Several reasons. It's important to understand that God can somehow use suffering for good in your marriage. It's important to understand that God can somehow use conflict for good in your marriage. But it's even more important to understand that connecting intimately with the heart of God is the key to connecting intimately with the heart of your spouse. I'll repeat that: Connecting intimately with the heart of God is the key to connecting intimately with the heart of your spouse. Only through learning how to love God--the author of all love--in a deeper way will a person have genuine love to give to others. Look in I John 4:19. We are clearly told, "We love because He first loved us." Period. So, in other words, you can't love your spouse richly, intimately, without experiencing and receiving love from God in the first place.
We love because He first loved us. God has suffered tremendously on our behalf, no more dramatically than when he sent His Son to die on the cross....and that unbelievable event happened all because of His deep love for us. So, if you also want to experience deep love in your marriage, first experience the deep love that comes only from the well of all love. You can do that through prayer and surrender to God's will. It can also happen through daily reading of Scripture. Try reading the first epistle of John as a beginning point.
When you actively pursue the heart of God....and His love.....and begin to experience the understanding of why He would willingly suffer for us....I guarantee you that things will start to change inside of you. I guarantee that you will begin to operate in your marriage with more grace, patience and empathy--and all of those traits are very appealing qualities in a relationship. So give it a shot. Draw closer to God and see if you don't figure out how to draw closer to one another. What in the world do you have to lose?
One of the first steps in moving past the mindset that "life is not fair for me" is to accept the fact that suffering is not all bad. Let me explain. While no sane person would aggressively pursue suffering, nevertheless, enduring suffering is one of the most dramatic ways that we can learn to identify with the heart of Christ. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:10, "I want to know Christ, the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His suffering." Paul wasn't crazy. On the contrary, Paul understood that learning how to connect with, experience, and understand personal suffering was also how he was going to learn how to connect with God's heart.
Why is that important? Several reasons. It's important to understand that God can somehow use suffering for good in your marriage. It's important to understand that God can somehow use conflict for good in your marriage. But it's even more important to understand that connecting intimately with the heart of God is the key to connecting intimately with the heart of your spouse. I'll repeat that: Connecting intimately with the heart of God is the key to connecting intimately with the heart of your spouse. Only through learning how to love God--the author of all love--in a deeper way will a person have genuine love to give to others. Look in I John 4:19. We are clearly told, "We love because He first loved us." Period. So, in other words, you can't love your spouse richly, intimately, without experiencing and receiving love from God in the first place.
We love because He first loved us. God has suffered tremendously on our behalf, no more dramatically than when he sent His Son to die on the cross....and that unbelievable event happened all because of His deep love for us. So, if you also want to experience deep love in your marriage, first experience the deep love that comes only from the well of all love. You can do that through prayer and surrender to God's will. It can also happen through daily reading of Scripture. Try reading the first epistle of John as a beginning point.
When you actively pursue the heart of God....and His love.....and begin to experience the understanding of why He would willingly suffer for us....I guarantee you that things will start to change inside of you. I guarantee that you will begin to operate in your marriage with more grace, patience and empathy--and all of those traits are very appealing qualities in a relationship. So give it a shot. Draw closer to God and see if you don't figure out how to draw closer to one another. What in the world do you have to lose?
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