More on Marriage with Trisha Taylor

This is a continuation of my interview with author/counselor Trisha Taylor (pictured above with her family):

Trisha, why is the institution of marriage so important to a community?

Marriage is the basic molecule of community life. There is something about making a commitment to marriage that makes people more stable, both emotionally and financially, and more committed to community goals. The research is clear on this. Married people tend to share the goals of the community--to protect and support the next generation and to prepare them for productive lives. Although most married people feel as though they are overwhelmed by life's demands, they do actually have more financial and emotional resources than single people do and this is good for children and for the community.

Even though you and your family now live and serve in Austin, you continue to have a lot of interaction with ministry leaders in Houston. What things would you like to see happen in this city in regards to marriage?

I would love to see every congregation in the city involved in marriage mentoring--a process by which experienced couples intentionally support couples who are newer to marriage. I would also love to see every pastor and congregational minister in the city take seriously the call of Jesus to love--beginning with his/her own family. Many clergy marriages are a disaster and siphon important resources of time and energy away from kingdom work, not to mention leaving behind a long trail of hurt, anger, and disillusionment. I would also love to see an even greater commitment to premarital preparation. I think most pastors recognize the importance of helping couples get ready for the marriage, not just the wedding. However, the delivery system--usually a few sessions with the pastor or a Christian counselor--is no longer an effective way of reaching this generation of brides and grooms. I want to see premarital prepartion taken to the next level...and I want to be part of that! I want churches to see that supporting marriages is one of the most strategic things they can do--healthy marriages really do change the future.

We certainly agree with you. Let me ask you a different question. You're a therapist and writer. You're husband is a pastor. What are the particular challenges of a dual ministry marriage?

Many of our challenges are no different from the challenges most people face--finding the time and energy to do all the things we truly value. One important difference, though, might be in other people's expectations of us. Although we have been blessed to be in very supportive ministry settings, it is still true that other people tend to feel that they have a certain ownership over the pastor and his/her family. We've had to learn to be very clear about our boundaries and to create a safe haven at home. Another thing for our family has been separating out what is "his", "mine", and "ours". Even though our ministries overlap in many ways, we both also need to have our own spheres of influence. Dual ministry marriages are very complex but are also full of blessing--in a lot of ways, we share more than most couples do and we speak the same language.

Thanks, Trisha, for your wonderful insights into marriage! We look forward to working with you on joint projects in future months.