Marriage Mentoring

The following is an interview with David and Sue Harkins, our "partners in crime" in a marriage mentoring ministry that we recently set up together at our church, Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church in Houston. The Harkins have been married fifteen years and have three elementary school children. They are great friends of ours, a lot of fun, and they share our commitment to helping marriages grow stronger through couple-to-couple connections. Here is our exchange:

What does marriage mentoring mean to you?

To us, marriage mentoring is when we come alongside another married couple and get to know them on a more intimate basis. That process may include walking with that couple through a troubled time, perhaps assisting them through a challenge that we've already experienced before, encouraging them, or even just simply listening to what is going on in their marriage relationship. The hope is to show that other couple that they are not alone in their issues--others have been there and survived! The focus on marriage and making the relationship better benefits both married couples. In fact, just meeting on a regular basis keeps both marriages on the "front burner".

Why were the two of you drawn to marriage mentoring?

We've been married for 15 years, and the early years of our marriage were rocky! We were on separate paths, we did not communicate our concerns to each other, and we certainly had not placed God at the center of our relationship. However, thanks to God, we worked through some major issues during those first few years, and gained a trust and communication level that we had not had in our marriage before. We discussed and reflected on our own challenges and understood them to be gifts that could be shared to help other marriages survive and thrive. Marriage is hard work, and we realize that the more attention we give it, the better it is!

What do you hope to see as a result of couples getting together like this?

Well, certainly stronger marriages and families--and, over time, a lowering of the divorce rate and the consequences that go with that separation. We hope that couples will realize that there is hope in any situation, and with God all things are possible! We hope that couples won't settle for just a "good" marriage, but will strive for a "great" marriage!

What's the difference between this and marriage counseling?

Marriage mentors are not usually licensed counselors; they are, however, listening ears with a love for God and a love for the institution of marriage. Marriage mentors will listen, and give advice and encouragement where appropriate. But for those critical issues, a counselor will be referred.

What do couples need to do if they are interested in being mentored?

It's as easy as 1-2-3! 1. Contact us by either phone or email. 2. Complete the mentee application. 3. Pray for God to match you with the appropriate mentor couple.

How often do couples need to meet?

It is really up to the mentoring and mentee couples. There are no requirements. However, a suggested timetable would be to visit as much as once a month to perhaps once a quarter, depending on the issues, needs and relationships. Our hope is that the couples will meet on a regular basis for at least one year.

What has helped your own marriage stay strong?

Our marriage has stayed strong mainly through commitment. Commitment to each other through good times and bad. Commitment to learn and share on a continual basis on a variety of marriage topics. Commitment to keeping Christ in our marriage and to always seek what God wants for us in this special life partnership He has given us.

For more information on marriage mentoring at MDPC, contact the Harkins at dsharkins@sbcglobal.net or the Hursts at thehursts@homeencouragement.org . You may also contact Brett Hurst at MDPC at 713-490-0930.