Every year for the past four years or so, I (Brett) have participated in leadership for a particular spiritual weekend called Journey To Damascus. It's a beautiful ecumenical experience--close in format to Walk To Emmaus and Cursillo and other similar movements--and it's a great opportunity for personal reflection on so many levels.....and so worth the investment. I benefit myself so much from it. Re-connecting with God on a deeper level and at a slower pace is something that always comes at the right time for me. Moreover, the loving Catholic community of Texans (and naturalized Texans) involved behind the scenes of Journey To Damascus is one of the most amazingly dedicated groups of people I have ever served with.....and so much fun! I get to laugh a lot with some great friends and that's always high on my list of healing remedies for personal stress.
Besides the personal renewal, one of the things I enjoy most about these weekends is getting to interact with so many new folks from all different kinds of backgrounds--people that are carrying as many different kinds of burdens as there are colors in the rainbow. In the course of many heartfelt conversations over a weekend, I am particularly reminded how many marriages are not what they seem to be on the outside. More specifically, as has been said here many times, it's important to speak the truth in love--that marriage can be tough--one of the greatest challenges of your life! The hard work required is what makes an intimate love relationship so potentially rewarding and fulfilling.
This year, my main marriage takeaway from JTD is how important honesty is in your most important relationship. Transparent communication is the lifeblood of a growing marriage. Men, for many reasons, often struggle with being completely upfront about details of their personal lives....in the areas of their business, career, personal time, temptations, and, yes even struggles with addiction. But many women do as well. It's hard for many of us to admit weakness. But we all need accountability--not for the purpose of having someone breathe down our necks, but rather so we can always be free to put our best foot forward. Honest accountability and comfort from others protects a person from going down destructive paths.
Granted, it's vital for men to have transparent relationships with other men. Likewise, women need emotional intimacy with other women. But, in my view, if you're married, your spouse should be your most important sounding board, if that's possible. Are you honest with your spouse about your business dealings? About your other personal relationships? About the struggles you are facing in your life? What about stress, emotional pain and your personal health? Is it possible you are moving down the road with some kind of lethal addiction....one that has the potential to destroy not only you, but, in many ways, your family and others? Let's face it, some addictions have the power to wreck everything and everyone in their path.
Honest community is a godsend. It helps take the pressure off of so many ridiculous expectations that we can internalize--those pressures to have everything perfectly working in our lives at all times. An honest marriage can give you even more advantages. Take a risk with that kind of vulnerability with the one you love. If you are struggling with something deep inside (and most of us are), tell your spouse. If, for some reason, you are hesitant to do that, then get some counsel from a pastor, friend, or professional and begin there. Finally, confess those things you're carrying to God. He is more than able to handle your burden. You'll be surprised at the emotional relief He can give you so quickly. Through heartfelt prayer, the Lord will guide you to the right solution....no matter the problem.
Don't carry impossible burdens any longer by yourself. Frankly, your mind and body are not equipped to carry those loads alone. Life is too short to waste trying to be perfect with some secret plan to get everything back on track. Everyone needs a family (and a spiritual family) for a safe place to be honest about our weaknesses. And just remember, that in our weakest moments, God is our strength!
1 comment:
Honesty IS the best policy, as we so often try to teach our children. And why can't adults abide by that same "golden rule"? Perhaps because we let life get in our way and we allow the world and all of its empty promises to invade our thoughts and dreams.
Marriage is, in my opinion, as difficult to maintain as raising children. And yet, so often it is the very thing we put "on the back burner" and let simmer and eventually boil over until it is an uncontrollable mess that we wonder how it ever got to be that way. Neglecting a spouse and our own personal needs is as deadly as neglecting an illness and not seeking medical attention. Eventually a sick marriage needs Emergency Room help and we are so desperate that we look for quick "band aids" to put over the wounds that hurt so badly. Rather, what we should be doing is seeking a lasting remedy to truly heal our marriage and family. Personally, I have walked this road of seeking "temporary bandages" and believe me, they were just that... temporary. Until both spouses are ready to look within themselves and truly seek answers for the brokenness, bandaids will only mask the pain. I suggest seeking God first and foremost, looking for good, sound advice/counseling (like Brett and his wife), and following through with healthy lifestyle changes that benefit the home and marriage. I also recommend seeking the prayerers of friends who will pray for healing, insight, and change for your current situation. Before a spounse can ever change their behavior, you MUST be willing to examine and change your own behavior. You must persevere in your efforts, never give up trying, and be willing listen to your spouse w/ love and MUTUAL respect. Just my opinion... but one that is working for my marriage as we speak! De Colores, Roxanne
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