Monday, August 13, 2007

Best Friends With Benefits



In today's rapidly changing culture, marriage is often scoffed at as an impractical and unnecessary relationship. But according to several sources (listed at the end of this post), marriage has some pretty impressive incentives that don't get acknowledged too often.

Did you know that married people overall reportedly live longer than unmarried people? Mortality rates for unmarried women are 50% higher than comparable married women, and the death rate is 250% higher for unmarried men. Moreover, in that regard, being an unmarried man is more dangerous statistically than heart disease. Where heart disease reduces the average man's life span by six years, being single does so by ten years.

A satisfying marriage (which obviously takes far more work and effort than an unsatisfying one) is even more beneficial. And the greater the fulfillment of the marriage, the healthier the couple. The more tension and unresolved issues of conflict, the more susceptible the couple will be to colds, flus, and other diseases. By the way, married couples also report the highest levels of happiness and well-being, as opposed to their cohabitating counterparts. I'm merely giving you the stats, folks.

It gets better. Married couples have more sex and report higher levels of satisfaction than do single people. All you have to do is read the diaries of certain promiscuous celebrities to be convinced of that reality. To say the least, that lifestyle is not as glamorous or fulfilling as it seems. And, marital sexual satisfaction just increases with greater general marital satisfaction. In marriage, sexual fidelity is higher, emotional commitment is higher, and mutual trust is higher.

Finally, if you want a higher net worth, get or stay married. The median income of the American married couple in 1997 was $47,000. For single men, it was $26,000. For single women, just under $16,000. And couples that stay married longer statistically retain more and more of their money the longer they are married. There's evidently a financial synergy that can often occur in marriage. It just takes two people the effort of heading in the same direction.

Now please don't misunderstand. God has a great plan for every person who loves Him. And, frankly, not every person in this world is called to be married. But judging by the facts just mentioned, it's more than obvious that marriage can produce some very special blessings. And I'm a little weary of marriage not being celebrated for all the benefits that it can so often produce.

Ironically, one of the greatest blessings of marriage is how much it can teach you about moving away from a self-centered life. A satisfying marriage is worth all the effort that it takes. By asking for divine help and by working together through difficult times, there are evidently so many rewards that can come to those who persevere. I pray that if you're in a struggling marriage, that God will show you some of those fringe benefits.




Sources: David Larson, the National Institute for Healthcare Research, the University of Chicago National Sex Survey, The Case for Marriage by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, and an article by Tim Clinton in the Journal of Psychology and Theology (Fall 2003).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey, nice to read all of the blogs here! Wow, this is a hot topic for me. I have read the stats regarding cohabitation, and I agree. I have been there and done the "shacking up" deal before. I can honestly say that most people who do the "shack up" deal never make it to the altar anyway. They also have a more flippant view of marriage. Many women move in with a man hoping that it will lead to marriage, but are often disappointed, because the man drags his feet. I can see why this happens. Logically, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free??!! I was in this type of situation for 2 years, and suffered wounds that took a long time to heal. I valued the instituion of marriage and my boyfriend at the time did not. Perhaps this is because I was raised by my grandmother?

I did live with my husband for a few months before we married...I could not afford a church wedding otherwise, as my family did not have the money to help out. I did not want to settle for a JP ceremony. If the circumstances were different, and my family DID have the money to pay for a wedding, I would have kept my own apartment up until the wedding. Waiting was not an option, because it was important for me to start on a family sooner rather than later. I had robbed myself of time, because of the unwise choices I made previously.

Thankfully, everything has turned out ok, and John and I are on the right track. Without a shadow of a doubt, married life is already so satisfying, that my previous experiences with shacking up can't even begin to compare. I know that no other human being in this world will ever love me as much as my husband with the exception of maybe my mother.

I am not ashamed of my previous experience with shacking up...I have prayed about it, and asked forgiveness. If there is anyone out there reading this who is thinking about shacking up, please think twice. I know from my own experience and the experience of countless other girlfriends...it rarely works out.