A Change Is Gonna Come

Have you ever seen a badger? Have you ever been a badger? Do you pick on your spouse frequently? Do you badger your mate with slight criticisms to try to get him or her to do things the way you think they should be done--to try to get them to change? Even though that approach may seem to be logical and effective, you might want to rethink that strategy.

I recently heard noted relationships expert Gary Smalley speak at a conference. Gary wrote the bestseller The DNA of Relationships, among many other popular titles. He is a very entertaining presenter with a disarming sense of humor. I've seen him speak countless times. And every time I hear him, he surprises me with some kind of powerful insight.

Smalley says that it is common for married persons to, over time, begin to pick on their spouses to try to change them. He goes on to say that trying to purposely change someone you love is the exact worst thing you can do. The fact of the matter is that you cannot change another person! Moreover, he adds, it's not our job to be someone else's "Holy Spirit". After all, God does not need our assistance in the area of transformational change. Not even a little bit.

All we can do in this life is take responsibility for ourselves. Doing that is much more productive for relational change than finger pointing. Finger pointing causes disconnect with the one you love. Furthermore, it creates an unsafe place for your relationship. This unsafe environment will generally lead ultimately to more distrust, less intimacy, and a marriage that will become harder to manage.

So try moving in the other direction. Encourage one another. Ask for forgiveness often. Think before you speak. Give advice less. Pray more. Trust God. And eventually, you will see powerful changes in yourself. And maybe even the one you love.

For more on Gary Smalley and his insights, go to the website of The Smalley Relationship Center.

Marriage Mentoring

We are excited to be involved in the training of about 35-40 couples who over the next few weeks will become marriage mentors. This is good news for many couples in our region. These newly-trained mentors will be serving other married couples in the Houston area. Marriage mentoring is an exciting venture and we believe it is an important wave gaining momentum in our country. Marriage mentors are couples that are excited about helping other couples develop stronger marriages through relational encouragement. Many young couples, in particular, are hungering for help in learning what it takes to have a long-lasting and successful married relationship. With the help of an equipped marriage mentor couple, newlyweds, veteran married couples, and hurting marriages can all get vital support that will help their most important relationships improve significantly.

Marriage mentors don't have perfect relationships--quite the contrary. Instead, these mentor couples are simply committed couples that have learned how to work through some of life's more difficult issues themselves, and then, consequently, they have found a deeper and more satisfying marriage in their own lives. In most cases, these mentors have become part of a friendship-based ministry that has some method of connecting those more experienced couples with younger couples. Through an informal and comfortable approach, and with the assistance of leadership, these connectional relationships do a whole lot of good toward improving the quality of many marriages.


If you are a couple that lives in the Greater Houston area, and would like to connect and benefit from a relationship with a mentor couple or if you are interested in learning more about becoming a marriage mentor couple yourselves, please contact us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org. There are many exciting opportunities for marriage mentoring opening up in the Houston area. For more general information about marriage mentoring, the website of Real Relationships is one of several good starting points.