Getting the Right Perspective

Kellie and I are in contact all the time with hurting couples. It's a wonderful privilege to serve in this way, although often a very difficult one. We so want couples to have relief from their suffering.

It's important to note that, often times, how a couple or even just an individual views their painful circumstances can be the dominant source of their depression, anger or anxiety. That's why it's so important for hurting spouses to get the right perspective about their situation. This is particularly helpful when a pain is something that temporarily or permanently can't be fixed--or a loss that won't go away.

One of my late father's favorite verses was Romans 12:2 where Paul said, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His, good, pleasing and perfect will."

This whole business about being transformed by the renewing of your mind is critical. To be honest, in the world of loss and crisis, it can be very difficult to see things clearly. Often in these situations, we tend to default to a deep-rooted worldly pattern of how we might have approached life in the past, particularly under pressure. And in many of those cases, our mindset is focused on us--our need and/or excruciating pain in the situation. And being engulfed by that focus can crush our spirit.

But the Word of God can give us unprecedented courage in the midst of hard times. My teenage son particularly likes to read the "faith chapter" of the Bible, the eleventh chapter of the book of Hebrews. In that passage are story after story of how heroes responded with a fresh injection of courage from God--all from being renewed by a perspective from heaven.

If you're currently in what seems like a hopeless situation, God knows all about it. And the Scriptures are clear that He most definitely does not desire calamity for you. It's so important to have confidence in God's faithfulness, His power and His sovereignty. In God's grand global economy, what seems hopeless to us is just an opportunity for the Lord to do the unthinkable--and all because He loves us.

Step back from your situation for a few minutes and catch your breath. Now, surrender control and allow God to take total direction in your situation. His way is always going to be the most compassionate and most effective solution. Spend time in the promises of God's unchanging Word (if you don't have a collection of Bible promises, you can easily obtain one at your local bookstore--that's a very handy thing to have near you).

I can promise you, trusting the Lord and renewing your perspective on your situation is the best move you could ever make--for you, for your marriage, and for the future of your family. Let Him steer the ship and see what happens.

Why Marriage Matters

According to the Administration for Children and Families, Health and Human Services, Washington D.C., (and several other sources), there are multiple reasons why healthy marriages increase social health. Here are some of the primary advantages: Statistically, married couples have better overall physical health and mental health--which only increases with happy marriages. Married couples suffer less injuries, less illness, and less disability. They typically live longer, and have children who are physically healthier, as well as are more emotionally stable. With marriage also comes a lower infant mortality rate, a lower rate of child abuse, and lower rates of STDs.

Whew! That's quite a list of incentives for marriage, in general. And, again, healthier marriages just increase all of those statistics further. But for couples to have healthier marriages, it requires intentionality and prioritization within that marriage--to make the marriage stronger, better. Kellie and I recommend that couples become students of marriage. Read at least one good book on marriage enrichment each year. Attend a retreat or pro-marriage weekend once annually. Take a few minutes to take a good online relationship inventory each year--maybe around your wedding anniversary. And make sure that you are still dating, playing, and having fun with each other--muy importante!!

If you have any questions or comments about any of these suggestions and want more details or information, please contact us at thehursts@homeencouragement.org . We'd be glad to help you and your spouse move forward with a more intentional (and more satisfying) marriage. That's why we're here.