Marriage is Important to Everyone

Despite the impression you may currently be getting from our culture, marriage is vital to the success of our society. The preservation of the institution of marriage benefits everyone. After all, a marriage between a man and a woman is based on a lifelong commitment that, in principle, challenges selfishness. How would you like to come face-to-face with your own selfishness? Then get married! Would you like to overcome that selfishness? Then surrender to God's help within that marriage! A healthy and God-centered marriage is the unique human relationship that effectively prepares us for how to live in other aspects of community. This is what makes marriage necessary for any culture that wants to thrive. It's the ordering relationship in society.

Obviously, not all people are called to be married (Jesus and Paul are certainly great examples). However, communities and cultures that support healthy marriages will improve statistically in far too many categories to name here. This is a statistical and historical reality. As noted Biblical scholar John Stott has pointed out, marriage is a relationship with five facets:

1. It is between a man and a woman.
2. It is monogamous. Despite accounts of polygamy in some Old Testament situations, monogamy was always God's purpose from the beginning. (Gen. 2:24)
3. When a man leaves his parents to marry, he must "cleave" to his wife, sticking to her like glue. He must be committed to her.
4. Before the "cleaving" of marriage, there should be the "leaving" of parents, and the "leaving" is a public social occasion. Family, friends, and society have a right to know what is happening.
5. The two will become one flesh. Sexual union is so much a constitutive element of marriage that willful nonconsummation is in many societies a ground for its annulment.

Marriage is an incredible gift from God, totally designed for that married couple to be utterly dependent on Him. There is no other human relationship like it.

Thanks for all that you do to support healthy marriages in our community!

Love One Another

Below are some of our favorite "love one another" passages from Scripture. Applying these would undoubtedly help any relationship. Try them!

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. (John 5:12)

Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash another's feet. (John 13:14)

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:34-35)

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. (Romans 15:7)

You were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. (Galatians 5:13)

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (I Thessalonians 5:11)

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit; but in humility regard one another as more important than himself. (Philippians 2:3)

Above all, love one another deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve one another, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. (I Peter 4:8-9)

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us. (I John 4:11-12)

Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:16)

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers and sisters, be compassionate and humble. (I Peter 3:8)

Remember, these are God's commands to us....not suggestions! He gives these to us so that we can have more successful relationships.

Ten Great Cheap Dates

Park Date:

Pack up a healthy picnic, grab a soft blanket, and set out for your favorite area park--YOUR park. Bring extra bread for the ducks.

The Adventure Sport Date:

Mountain biking, rollerskating, Ice skating, rock climbing (you can even do that indoors, you know), rowing in the park, whatever….learn to work together as a team. Or one of you may end up playing ER nurse to the other. Even better.

The Disco Flashback Date:

Escape from 2009 for the night, go back in time, and take your date disco-bowling. Bust out the old polyester.

The Sports Night Date:

Bring your date to an area sports bar. Make sure it’s on the night of a great game—you may only get one chance to do this one.

Art Gallery or Museum Date:

Not as boring as it sounds. C’mon, broaden your horizons.

The Drive-in Movie Date:

Change things up and take your date to a drive-in movie theater. Not recommended for nights below 40F. Also defintiely not recommended for nights above 80F.

Romantic Drive and View Date:

Take a romantic drive to the most beautiful view in your city. For Houstonians, that would be….

The Kiss-the-Chef Date:

Heat things up while you cook your own entrees. And make sure you're whippin' up your best dish--definitely not the time to be experimenting.

The Karaoke Date:

Try this one at your own risk. Music of certain 70’s cheeseball crooners are strictly off limits. Caution: karaoke has ended many a relationship. Know what you're getting into.

Design-Your-Own Date:

Give some thought to a very special and personal date. Create your date around your loved one’s favorite interests. You can still go cheap—because on this one, it truly is the thought that counts! BIG potential brownie points.

Stressor Convergence

Quite often, it seems, life can throw us a truckload of stressors all at once. Those difficult situations can be one major tragedy after another....or they can be a bombardment of small annoyances. Sometimes the result can be the same as far as our sanity is concerned. Even a temporarily troubled life inundated with constant pressures can be overwhelming....as well as potentially lethal for marriages and family relationships.

So what to do when you are in a state of stressor convergence? I suggest three simple and universal steps:

1. Pray, pray, pray. If you're already a person of prayer, pray three times as often as usual! God is the source of all wisdom and resources. Why would you not look to Him for help?

2. Lean heavily on family and friends. God has given us these support systems for a reason. Learn to open up to those that love you--so they can help and pray for you, too. Family and friends should be counted on for encouragement and to help you maintain some sense of normalcy through tough times. Remember, it's okay to be in need some times in your life.

3. Do the best you can. In other words, cut yourself some slack. Nobody skates through life perfectly--and there are often so many things that can come your way that are beyond your control. Only one man in history lived a perfect life. For the rest of us, the best you can do is the best you can do. Don't kick yourself about not being able to do more than that. After all, it's impossible to do more than your best.

Tough times don't last forever. Always remember that. And also be reminded when things are good for you and your family, they are often rough for someone else. If you're enjoying some smooth sailing, reach out and help someone who is navigating harsh waters. They will never forget your kindness.

A Great Playlist

When I was a kid, growing up in Beaumont, Texas, I slept with the radio on all night. And it was always tuned into the dominant top 40 station in the Golden Triangle, KAYC 1450 AM--an excellent station at the time. I was so fortunate as a kid. This was during the period of radio that I think was the richest of all: 1969-1976 (pre-disco). Decades before the era of the Ipod, you could turn on KAYC at any time, day or night, and hear the most diverse playlist. In those days, you could hear (on a Top 40 station, mind you) a Santana song, then Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, then Aretha Franklin, then Charlie Rich, then Led Zeppelin, then The Supremes, then Clapton, then James Taylor, then maybe an old early Beatles song--and this could happen all in the same hour! It was phenomenal.

During this golden age of pop music, the rule nationwide for Top 40 was that a song had to be a great song--it didn't matter at all what style it was--as long as it resonated with the American public. Every week I couldn't wait to listen to Casey Kasem's American Top 40 to see what new cool tunes and styles were coming out. Back in those great days, virtually all the songs that made that list were at least pretty good songs. Most of them were excellent. And there was so much variety of style. It kept radio so interesting.

Radio stinks now. Sorry. Everything's sterilized, homogenized and pasteurized--and it all sounds the same. Thanks to the suits in the music business (emphasis) there will never again be the kind of free market for good songs like there were back in the day. No one wants to take those risks anymore--at least as far as radio goes. That's why I'm strictly an Ipod guy now.

Variety is the spice of life. In marriage, this is no exception. Over the course of a lifelong relationship, a few surprises are vital to the health of a flourishing relationship. Create a variety of exciting experiences for the one you love that are out of the ordinary. It's so easy to fall into predictable and dull routines, even in happy marriages--and then wonder what's going on elsewhere. That can be dangerous.

Don't let your marriage go the way of the glory days of Top 40 radio. Instead, protect it. Nurture that variety. Try something different together. Drive somewhere new for a change. Go for some surprises. Keep your spouse guessing about what super nice thing you might do next for them. Keep them guessing. If you do, your marriage is bound to be a big hit. It might even go to number one.

After The Storm

It's no secret that Houstonians and people all over the upper Texas coast have suffered some devastating effects recently from Hurricane Ike. While, at this writing, many people in the city still don't have power, many area homeowners have made some early assessments of storm damage to their property. For a lot of families, the decision to jump right into clean-up mode of their homes and property was an easy one. In fact, for many, while waiting for power to return, clearing debris and making minor repairs gave those families a needed project--something they could proactively do to get their lives back to normal.

For other folks, the devastation has been much more severe. For instance, many homes that originally existed on Bolivar Peninsula, north of Galveston, prior to the storm, no longer exist. They have been blown away completely, leaving nothing but a foundation. Obviously, the only choice those families will have is whether or not to rebuild those houses.

Over the course of time, massive storms hit marriages, too. When a big storm blows hard against a marriage, there can also be devastating results. Storms against a marriage might come in the form of job loss, an affair, a serious illness, perhaps even a death in the family. However, sometimes, even when something traumatic happens to a marriage, the damage can remain minimal. Those couples in those situations might benefit from merely tidying up a bit, maybe purging some of the debris of an unhealthy relationship. Working together, that couple can probably repair the damage themselves and become stronger as a couple in the process.

But what do you do when your house seems to be blown away completely? What happens when there seems to be nothing left of your home after a major storm? Good question. If there's a strong foundation remaining, a more dramatic decision can still be made together--whether or not to rebuild. Obviously, rebuilding a home from the ground up is a much more challenging project. But families do it all the time. Rebuilding certainly requires more work. It usually requires assistance from professionals. And rebuilding requires a long-term, big-picture approach along with a lot of patience and faith. But the benefits of rebuilding can be so worth it. The end result can be a more beautiful home that is stronger and better built than it ever was.

Caring for a loving home is a great responsibility and privilege--and it's always hard work. Hang in there to do what you can to make the most of the blessing you have been given. Be proactive to do what you can to keep your home strong and in good repair.

How To Have a Healthier Marriage

An amazing fact is that any couple that together wants to grow their marriage can take their relationship to another level. Sometimes couples want to improve their marriage themselves but don't always know how to get started. The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center has published a list of ten tips you can use to strengthen your marriage:

1. Spend Time with Each Other - Simply stated, married partners need time with each other in order to grow strong together. Plan regularly scheduled date nights and weekend activities. Forget the "quality vs. quantity time" discussion--healthy marriages need both.

2. Learn To Negotiate Conflict - Conflict is a normal part of a relationship. There is a point however when it can increase in in intensity and become emotionally and sometimes physically unsafe. There are many resources available to help you learn how to deal with conflict more effectively.

3. Show Respect for Each Other at All Times - Treating your partner as you would like to be treated will do a lot to strengthen the bond between you. Research shows that nothing can damage a relationship quicker than criticisms and put-downs. Paying your partner a compliment is a quick and easy way to show them respect.

4. Learn About Yourself First - Many partners enter into relationships without knowing enough about themselves. As a result they can also have difficulty learning about their partners. Imagine the intimacy you will share over a lifetime together if you commit to discovering new things about yourselves and each other!

5. Explore Intimacy - This does not always mean sexuality. An often forgotten aspect of intimacy is the emotional type. Learn the difference between emotional and physical intimacy and when each one is most appropriate.

6. Explore Common Interests - Doing things separately is not bad at all but common interests are important to healthy marriages. A common interest may be cooking or eating new foods together, going for walks or playing cards. The goal is to have something outside of your family that you both enjoy.

7. Create a Spiritual Connection - Growing together spiritually may the most important bond that you can create together as a couple. Learning how to pray together is a very intimate and binding experience.

8. Improve Your Communication Skills - You should never assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling. Tell your spouse what is going on--and as a spouse, know when to simply listen.

9. Forgive Each Other - If he or she hasn't already, your partner is going to do something that hurts, frustrates or upsets you. Guess what, you are going to do the same thing! Try to allow your partner some room to make a few mistakes. When you make a mistake, act quickly to apologize and fix problems.

10. Look for the Best in Each Other - When you met your partner, you fell in love with some of his or her wonderful qualities. Over time your view of those qualities may have changed. Create a list of all the things you love about your partner. It will help you to fall in love all over again!

David Jones, a Certified Family Life Educator and author of a variety of relationship tools for fathers, contributed to this tip sheet. These tips are designed to assist couples in improving their relationships; however, they are not meant to be a substitute for professional help and advice.